Letter to Duale, Linturi & Co.

The behavior of the Kenyan parliamentarian is one that will never cease to amaze even the most intelligent psychologists. It all points to one thing: that elections in Kenya only serve to propagate the “hyena regimes” the country has known since time immemorial. I do not regret calling the MPs hyenas because that is what they are. Neither do I sympathize with the Kenyan voter; that is a story for another day. For the former, here is why:

These men and women are at it again. They are barely two months old in parliament, but they have already drawn out their poisonous claws; the claws of the highly infectious and oppressive malady namely, greed.

Leading this pack of Machiavellian, egoistic and verbally ferocious hyenas is one Mithika Linturi. Remember he is an apprentice of the old guard, most of who now constitute the senate. Call him a good student for learning the art of blackmail and aggrandizement.

But sir, (too generous a title by any measures if your behavior is anything to go by) takes this from me: Ujanja wa nyani huishia jangwani…at least that is what my class 8 Swahili teacher taught me. Your mission to raise the perks of you and your fellow hyenas from the constitutionally set sh532000 to the former evil and staggering 800000 bob may not serve your future political ambitions any good.

 You will realize it too late that you are slapping yourself in the face…not only hard but squarely too. You won’t say I never warned you.

You and your fellow ‘tumbo kubwa’ cohorts seem to have a dangerously crazy if not insane appetite for money. First understand that money will never be enough. Even the late Mutula Kilonzo SC, (RIP sir) regarded himself a poor man!! If having several mansions, huge tracts of land and spending sh700000 every week to feed two lions is being poor, then I do not know the meaning of poverty.

 Linturi’s money ‘stick’ has done the trick. It has gotten his fellow feliforms behind his back, all in support of him. The excuses they are bringing on the table in defense of their immoral motive? That their current salary is not enough to pay their loans and ‘fit’ the handouts they give to ‘watu wao wa mashinani’.

Are you people insulting our knowledge or something? In as far as I can recall, my MP, as a microcosm of the larger house, has only attended one burial in our hood since he made his way to parliament. Yet people have died in dozens in the whole constituency. But should you have heard him verbally diarrhea in public in justification that that is one of the reasons he needs a higher salary, you would have thought that ‘he’d swallowed a radio with new batteries’. May the spirits of the dead strike your evil tongues!

Oh, and one more thing, ‘honourables’, did you ever hear of the economic cliché, ‘living within ones means’? I know that at such times you wool heads will pretend not to have ever heard it. Well, it means as direct as it reads….even Noah when building the ark knew its application.

To, Mithika and company: should you have been advocating for higher pays when the whole Kenyan populace was struggling to contain their tummies owing to overfeeding due to surplus food on a daily basis; when the people you like calling IDPs are in safe houses in their own farms; when there is no terror at the coast due to the MRC threats; when there are no Kenyans being slaughtered like ‘ingoho’ in Bungoma or being used as guinea pigs for Al Shabaab bombs in Kwa Chege’s hotel in Garissa; when no one or anyone’s property is being swept away by floods; when the economy has overcome all the pressures it is facing in these harsh economic times; when farmers in Nyandarua and other productive counties are smiling their ways to the banks with none of their produce rotting in their farms; when the public wage bill is well within the internationally accepted standards; only to mention but a few… personally, I’d have no problem with you. 

Precisely, what I am trying to drive through your ‘deaf’ ears is that, your calls for higher ‘salos’ is totally UNACCEPTABLE and this YOUR GREED MUST STOP. It is not a priority, neither is it an emergency. That is not my voice; it is that of the people.

I however know that you are a cantankerous species of the Homo sapien sapiens race. You will not listen to them. Now just do these: sit back and enjoy because the tyranny of numbers in that madhouse you call parliament will work in your favor. The people will thank you for confirming Karl Marx’s view that the state exists to serve the interests of the ruling class.

But sirs and madams, a revolution is brewing. You have taxed the people’s enthusiasm, affection and optimism too early.

The modern Kenyan is not that silent biped your forefathers have been arm twisting for the last 50 years. His limbs have been chained for far too long a period.  He will not just sit and watch as you fleece him and milk his children’s pockets dry. This enlightened lot does not know how to fatten you for your final fall in the next elections. No! Forget it.

 These people are armed to the teeth with that document you made for them to pass in 2010. You will be victims of your own weapon.

Expect a thorough public backlash. Do not get embarrassed when you are publicly humiliated. Jesus of Nazareth was too…though he was not a Judas as you heartless creatures. Your razzmatazz has put you on the spot!

If I were you, especially you bwana Linturi, I’d run, very fast for that matter, not to escape the wrath of the people, but to lead my fellow hyenas from this disease:-greed if not voracity, as Prof. Nyong’o would put it.

Run guys…run…do not ask me how or where to, just get running.

(This article was composed on 5^th May, the week before which the debate to raise the MPs salary was the talk in town)